i feel like my friend is using me to plan her wedding?
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my friend is getting married, we have been friends for 8 yrs or so, well 6 yrs ago i got married on a cruise, that was our destination wedding, we wanted to be married on a cruise ship, anyway she could have came to it, i offered to pay for her to go, i’d cover all expenses so she could be one of the witnesses, she doesn’t work, but she said no she had too much to do to take off for 2 weeks.
well then she seemed to be mad at me for about 6 months after we came back, like she was mad we went or maybe mad i took 2 of our friends with us, but i offered her first, we only took 2 friends, his best friend and a good friend of mine
anyway now she’s getting married next fall, and i’m not in the wedding, which is fine, but she wants me to go to every meeting with her, and help her plan it, but the last 2 meetings she didn’t bother to show up, she called and said you just pick what you like and i’ll be okay with that, it’s her wedding
anyway we are talking about flowers she said what do you think we should have so i said gardenias cause it was the first flower i thought of, she said okay, and the flowers are gardenias, she asked about cake flavors, i said since it’s 3 tier maybe choc and vanilla and then a surprise flavor like pineapple or something, well the cake is choc, vanilla and pineapple, she asked about the music, have a dj or a pianist, i said have a pianist, so she is, she asked about the reception dancing or not, i said no, so now there is no dancing
you see where i’m going with this every time she asks my opinion on something she goes with what i say, it’s her wedding. i don’t want her to blame me if it isn’t what she wants and i don’t want her to just do what i say, because we are 2 different people.
i asked her why she doesn’t ask the other girls and our friends what they think, she said she wasn’t feeling the whole planning thing. well i wasn’t either so i got married on a cruise to avoid it. i just bought a dress, picked up his tux and that was all i had to do. but she doesn’t want a destination wedding.
is it my imagination, or is she going along with whatever i say? she even went with the dress i said looked best, i mean isn’t this weird, it’s her wedding, you are suppose to be excited you are getting married right? what should i do? she’s the kind of person if her wedding isn’t what she expects or doesn’t go as she wants it to she will blame someone for it, and it will no doubt be me. so what should i do? thank you.
note the 2 meetings one was the caterer so i picked the food alone, and the other was the photographer, she hasn’t even met him yet.
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It sounds like she just doesn’t want any part of planning her own wedding, but still wants to have one. If she doesn’t like the outcome, its not your fault she went with everything you said… Then again, maybe you just have great taste!
if you feel like she is using you to plan her wedding ..stop helping her! ^^
Apologise and tell her you are not a "wedding planner"
This is honestly one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard. The fact that she didn’t even show up for two meetings is completely ridiculous. I could understand if she showed up and then asked you for your opinion, but just letting you pick what you like? If you were a vindictive or cruel person you could just pick horrible options. It would serve her right for making you do the job a wedding planner does but for free!
Since I’m sure you aren’t that kind of person, you should really just stop going along on these appointments with your friend. You are not a wedding planner, and you both inevitably have different tastes. How can you be expected to just figure out what someone else would want for their wedding without even being told? You are letting her take advantage of you. If she doesn’t want to plan a wedding, she can either elope, do a destination wedding, or not have one. Wedding planning can be fun too! I am enjoying planning my wedding, because I know that every aspect of it is personalized to my own taste. It’s understandable that it is stressful and not for everyone, but really, you should not allow her to take advantage of you. Next time she asks you to help her out, politely refuse.
Your friend is weird! She is not interested in planning her wedding at all. Is she excited about her fiance?
What you should do is STOP giving your opinion! Tell her she should plan it and you had a different type of wedding so its hard for you to advise on hers. Oh and you shouldnt be accompanying her to see her vendors…her fiance should. So start declining her invitations to help on the big things. If anything you can help stuff invitations and tie bows, but meeting with vendors and choosing flowers is her job as the bride.
this is very strange. become unavailable
Next time she asks you what "blank" she should have. Say, "Hmmm, I don’t know. Which one do you like?" You need to suddenly become the most indecisive person in the world. You can still go with her to look at flowers and whatnot, but under no circumstances should you offer an opinion. Keep repeating the phrase. "I don’t know. What do you like?" Hopefully she will then be forced to actually think about what she does and does not like. Additionally, if she bails on you at another appointment, then you apologize to the caterer for the missing bride and walk away. If she gets mad at you for not picking something without her, then tell her "You are the bride and this is your wedding not mine. If you don’t care, then how about you ask your fiance to just make these decisions as it is his wedding too?"
And I am sorry that you friend is weird.